Dec

Behold the Conquering Hero

Hernán Cortés came to the new world with 600 men. He ended up defeating resident forces hundreds of times the size of his.

How? Well, at every stop he talked to tribes which had been subjugated by the ruling Aztecs, or Mexíca, and offered them HOPE and CHANGE and told them that with their help he would give them FREEDOM from EVIL CAPITALISTS AND GEORGE W. BUSH the Aztecs. HE would also make THE OCEANS RECEDE.

Gee. That sounds a little familiar. How’d that work out?

Asked and answered. I found an answer at Then Again.

I’m not sure if the writer was trying to be droll or if he was just having a shot at imitating Barack Obama’s Press Secretary Robert Gibbs when he wrote this:

Upon arrival in North America, Hernando Cortes founded the colony of New Spain in Mexico. On November 8, 1519, he challenged the native forces and entered Tenochititlan, taking the Aztec leader, Montezuma, hostage. This event led to an Aztec uprising that culminated in La Noche Triste. The Aztecs drove the Spaniards out of Tenochititlan in July of 1520. Men from both sides, as well as many Aztec treasures, were lost as a bridge collapsed during the desperate flight of the Spaniards. Nevertheless, Cortes survived, and led the final attacks on Tenochititlan. Throughout the warfare, the Spaniards were aided by the gruesome advantage of disease, for the Europeans brought ailments that the Aztecs had no immunity to. It is estimated that three-quarters of the native population died of violence or diseases like small pox and measles in just the first century of the conquest. Finally, the Aztec capital fell on August 13, 1521. After capturing Tenochtitlan, the Spaniards destroyed the city, and built Mexico City on top of it. Just as Tenochtitlan was destroyed, most of the Aztec civilization was destroyed with the European Conquest.

Aside from this negative aspect of the European discovery of the New World, the Spaniards had some positive effects on the native population. They introduced domestic animals like horses, sheep, cattle, and pigs to the American Continent.

Furthermore, they brought sugar and different kinds of grains and fruits with them. The discovery of the New World also had a significant impact on the European diet, as the Spaniards brought important products like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and maize back to Europe.

Despite these benefits, the Spanish defeat of the Aztecs has been criticized extensively for many years…

Criticized? Despite these benefits? Did those Aztecs have “Tea Parties?” And what were they grumbling about, anyway? The people, the architecture, the culture all wiped out and the survivors enslaved and forced to do whatever work they were told to. Mostly mine silver. This guy had to be channeling Robert Gibbs! I can just hear him.

But, but — Cortés wiped out the original bond holders at Aztec Motors so he could invest $40 billion in the company and then give it to his buddies in the unions and to Fiat (note: the Aztecs, even in their debilitated, diseased, conquered state WOULD NOT have gone for the Fiat deal; they were debilitated, not stupid) and then he forced Aztec to make cars people say they want but for some reason don’t seem to buy. And now he’s busy tripling the price of things people DO have to buy, like power, and manufactured goods and then we won’t… Oh! We can send all the rest of the manufacturing to China, since they’re not buying into the crippling-the– economy bit.. whew!

And his allies? Well, he sent back the bust of Winston Churchill one of their revered leaders that they had given him as a gift, just so they’d know what he thought of them, and broke all the treaties he had made when they were helping him. And sent the young people who were still willing to fight for their homeland off to a distant war he had no intention of pursuing because he didn’t want to look like a woos, because there were mid-terms coming up.

Oh! He’s still working on those ocean levels.

The Then Again site is HERE.