nolanimrod on May 4th, 2015

Don’t blame me; Shake­speare asked the ques­tion. But, really, call­ing some­one a name and then hav­ing that per­son start fizzing like Pop-​​Rocks in a bot­tle of Coke is the lat­est sport on social media.

And, if you can’t think of a good name, make one up!

Lately I’ve been find­ing out that if you have the mis­for­tune to be born with a cock and balls and, to add offense to injury, when over­do­ing over­priced beers while watch­ing your home team get pil­lo­ried by the scro­fu­lous hea­thens who just hap­pen to have a pitcher who can’t be hit you auto­mat­i­cally head for the Mens Room, you are not a MAN. You are a cis-​​male.

I know. Don’t worry about it. It’s the eighth inning and the home team has a chance if only they can load the bases and then hit a homer. Twice. So let it go. I’ll remind you tomor­row, Cis-​​male. Get it?

If you don’t have a cock and balls and you’re head­ing to the mens room any­way you will just be embar­rassed (unless you’re at a minor league park — espe­cially AA or lower — in which case bon voy­age!).

Who thinks he is a man who isn’t?

Well, OK. I had a friend in New Orleans who one day informed me that she was from that day onward going to be a ‘he’ and would be known as Dave instead of Delilah.

Great. From my point of view Dave was prob­a­bly going to be one of those rare indi­vid­u­als whom you can trust and even tell some­thing to that won’t get  broad­cast all over the neigh­bor­hood. In other words, a friend.  Because Delilah was. Plus I thought it was an entirely salu­tary meta­mor­pho­sis. Delilah had looked kind of like a wee­bil — short, squat — and with a name like that the cards were def­i­nitely stacked against her. As Dave she could be her­self and fit right in because fem­i­nine wiles were never her strong suit any­way. As Dave she even started sprout­ing some chin whiskers which may have been from tak­ing some kind of hor­mones but I think were more likely what she had been pluck­ing out while try­ing to be Delilah.

Obvi­ously I am a strong Dave /​ Delilah par­ti­san. Friend­ship will do that to you. And the idea that Dave is cis-​​anything is hor­ridly offen­sive. Dave is Dave. QED.

It could be that this cis stuff is just the lat­est iter­a­tion of the See the 6-​​Legged Calf or See the Bearded Lady impulse in all the nascent P.T. Bar­nums, whose parade ground is now not the town square but the Inter­net, but must they be so thor­oughly icky about it?

 

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Tags: nomenclature

I just learned that Hillary, in her open­ing cam­paign bar­rage, com­plained about too much of the wrong kind of money in politics.

I can’t believe that she chose to go there, but, since she has, so shall I.

Any­body remem­ber White­wa­ter? I know — it’s so yes­ter­day (and let’s talk about the dress). Well, guess what? All the dress did was prove that Bill Clin­ton had been lying (who knew?).

Another thing that was proved was that Bil­lary were bor­row­ing money for their White­wa­ter project that was find­ing its way into Bill’s cam­paign for Gov­er­nor of Arkansas. That’s about a dozen sep­a­rate, felo­nious crimes.

But we never heard (and never will) in the Demo­c­rat News Agency one thing about it.

So, since Hillary has decided, in spite of being dead broke, to run for Pres­i­dent, I thought I would give you a lit­tle hint on how to read the news items com­ing from Hillaryland .

A Japan­ese man was inter­viewed about the news peo­ple on the home islands got and whether they could get any idea from it of what was going on.

Oh, yes, he said. It was easy. As the war pro­gressed the Glo­ri­ous Vic­to­ries of the Impe­r­ial Japan­ese Fleet kept get­ting closer and closer to home.

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Tags: Bill Clinton, campaign finance, Hillary, Whitewater

nolanimrod on April 15th, 2015

The Obama News Agency (aka The New York Times) informs us that

Obama Yields, Allow­ing Con­gress Say on Iran Nuclear Deal

Isn’t that all inclu­sive and tol­er­ant of him? Allow­ing the Sen­ate a say in a mat­ter with which it is con­sti­tu­tion­ally charged with over­sight? Don’t worry, Oba­malots: this means no more than the other road­blocks our feck­less leg­is­la­ture has thrown up in The Won’s path, as we see if we read down to para­graph four where the Times, entirely for­get­ting itself and try­ing to act like a news jour­nal, tells us this:

The essence of the leg­is­la­tion is that Con­gress will have a chance to vote on what­ever deal emerges with Iran — if one is reached by June 30 — but in a way that would be extremely dif­fi­cult for Mr. Obama to lose …

Note: before pro­ceed­ing with my deft and pen­e­trat­ing analy­sis of this deal let me hit the point that is obvi­ous to any­one famil­iar with Obama’s Lucy with the foot­ball tac­tics: a deal must be reached by June 30 for the Sen­ate bill to apply; what’s to keep Lucy Obama from extend­ing the con­fer­ence period one day or one week, thereby mak­ing the Senate’s work, as Nixon used to say, inop­er­a­tive?

As the arti­cle pro­gresses we see the spoor of Lucy Obama again in para­graph five:

But if it rejected the agree­ment, Mr. Obama could veto that leg­is­la­tion — and it would take only 34 sen­a­tors to sus­tain the veto, mean­ing that Mr. Obama could lose upward of a dozen Demo­c­ra­tic sen­a­tors and still prevail.

See what he did there? 34 Sen­a­tors?  Obama can get 34 sen­a­tors to do any­thing he wants just so long as it is bad for Amer­ica (I stip­u­late this exclu­sion because he can’t get 34 Sen­a­tors to go along with the Fast-​​Track trade autho­riza­tion because that might be good for Amer­ica and, well, you know, they’re Democrats).

Mean­while, back at the ranch, the Rus­sians have paused their inva­sion of Ukraine to decide to send anti-​​aircraft mis­siles to the Ira­ni­ans as their com­ment on the future of Amer­i­can sanctions.

As a final note, I just wish to point out that I have pro­vided this some­what half-​​witted exe­ge­sis of the New York Times story from the lat­est install­ment of The Impor­tance of Being (Josh) Earnest:

We’ve gone from a piece of leg­is­la­tion that the pres­i­dent would veto to a piece of leg­is­la­tion that’s under­gone sub­stan­tial revi­sion such that it’s now in the form of a com­pro­mise that the pres­i­dent would be will­ing to sign,” Mr. Earnest said. “That would cer­tainly be an improvement.”

You fig­ure it out.

 

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Tags: global thermonuclear war, Iran, Obama

nolanimrod on April 11th, 2015

Once upon a time I was with a group of peo­ple in Chicago that got a lit­tle liquored-​​up and decided to go out for din­ner at a lit­tle neigh­bor­hood place serv­ing Lebanese food. We were all seated, the drinks ordered, the menus scru­ti­nized, the orders given, the food deliv­ered, the eat­ing begun when the telling of sto­ries commenced.

Many of us had answered Soup to the Soup or Salad ques­tion because the restau­rant offered a delight­ful Mid­dle East­ern ver­sion fea­tur­ing lamb meat­balls and we had just started on the savory del­i­cacy as one girl, prompted by the float­ing meat­balls, related a story about chil­dren float­ing pieces of bread for the ducks in the Lin­coln Park Lagoon.

That moved another mem­ber of the group to launch into a dis­ser­ta­tion about her gall blad­der operation.

And the funny thing, she said, was that with­out the stuff secreted by the gall blad­der all your turds float.

Did I men­tion that the meat­balls were savory?

Well, appar­ently, when I.R.S. employ­ees relate tales of derring-​​do in which they ambush peo­ple by freez­ing their bank accounts and tak­ing their pos­ses­sions with­out any prior notice or ben­e­fit of a court order they get a reac­tion sim­i­lar to that of our group to the gall blad­der story.

And they feel really bad about it.

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Tags: IRS, Taxes, Unappreciated