nolanimrod on November 26th, 2014

Beau­ti­ful Hol­ly­wood Hunk Com­mits Acci­den­tal Suicide

There! Got your atten­tion? OK, now that we’re this far let’s talk about the vagaries of exis­tence and the ten­dency of life to intro­duce ele­ments of irony into even the most quo­tid­ian life space.

There once was a boy­child named Jon-​​Erik Hexum. He was a comely lad and, accord­ing to his Wikipedia entry, wanted to be involved in bio-​​medical engi­neer­ing. But Jon-​​Erik was, as noted, a comely lad. In fact, he was a tad beyond comely; he was Drop-​​Dead Gorgeous.

Jon-Erik Hexum photo

The result of his gor­gios­ity was that he was whisked away to Hol­ly­wood where he could play a lead­ing role in a so-​​so TV series which would have been the first Bay­watch were it not for the fact that nobody told Jon-​​Erik that guns are dangerous.

Real­iza­tion that guns might be dan­ger­ous may or may not have come to him before all life func­tions left his body after he took a prop gun loaded with blanks and pre­tended to shoot him­self in the head.  Unfor­tu­nately for Jon-​​Erik the explo­sive force which pro­pels a lead pel­let out of the bar­rel is also the explo­sive force which makes the BANG in a blank. All the force from the explo­sion dis­si­pates rapidly. With a blank .45 Colt you can break a bal­loon 6 feet away. You can’t break one 10 feet away because all the force has gone.

So you prob­a­bly won’t be sur­prised to learn that when Jon-​​Erik held a prop gun to his head and pulled the trig­ger — the dis­tance between his tem­ple and the gun bar­rel being 0 inches — the explod­ing gases fatally injured his brain.

And then… we have his co-​​star: Jen­nifer O’Neill

Beau­ti­ful Hol­ly­wood Babe Suf­fers More Dis­as­ters Than Wile E. Coyote

There once was a girl named Jen­nifer who yearned to have a pony. It’s all down­hill after that. Briefly, tak­ing the snip­pets of her life from the Inter­net Movie Data Base, her life is a series of disasters.

picture of Jennifer O'Neill

  • Dur­ing her first mar­riage, she checked her­self into a men­tal hos­pi­tal for treat­ment for men­tal stress, and under­went elec­troshock therapy.
  • O’Neill got her first divorce in 1971 from her first hus­band, and had an abor­tion before she mar­ried her sec­ond hus­band in 1972
  • [next] to a for­mer adver­tis­ing exec­u­tive and nov­el­ist and stu­dent of East­ern phi­los­o­phy, Joseph Ros­ter, which also ended in a divorce in 1974
  • O’Neill then mar­ried her third hus­band in 1975, Nick De Noia,her pro­ducer and chore­o­g­ra­pher; he was also the orig­i­nal chore­o­g­ra­pher for the Chip­pen­dale dancers, but divorced him in 1976; he was later found shot to death with a large cal­iber hand­gun in April of 1987.
  • O’Neill mar­ried hus­band num­ber four in 1978, Jeff Barry, a British drum­mer, singer and song writer (‘Leader of the Pack’; ‘I’m a Believer’; Sugar, Sugar’), but later divorced him in 1979.
  • O’Neill then mar­ried her man­ager, John Led­erer, hus­band num­ber five in 1979, and he gave her a son, Reis. How­ever, he also went through all her money. O’Neill knew at the time of the mar­riage that he was a con­victed felon, but mar­ried him any­way; Led­erer was sub­se­quently con­victed of sex­u­ally abus­ing her daugh­ter Aimee three to four times a week for more than four years. O’Neill divorced Led­erer in 1983.
  • She amassed money again, and had a son, Cooper, with hus­band num­ber six, Richard A. Alan, her limo dri­ver with whom she went on a blind date and mar­ried him in 1984. Alan was unfaith­ful to her with pros­ti­tutes, and she divorced him in 1987 but re-​​married him in 1993
  • (are we hav­ing fun yet?)
  • At age forty-​​four O’Neill then mar­ried hus­band num­ber seven, Neil L. Bonin, in Decem­ber of 1992 in Travis, Texas dur­ing a cross coun­try car trip, O’Neill’s five year old son serv­ing as the best man. O’Neill had met Bonin in a New York restau­rant and he was eleven years her junior; O’Neill had the mar­riage annulled in May of 1993 after just five months due to fraud which induced her into the marriage.
  • At age thirty four, O’Neill also suf­fered a gun­shot wound. Police offi­cers in Bed­ford, New York who inter­viewed the actress in the man­sion of her twenty-​​five room thirty acre French style estate, report that on Octo­ber 23, 1982 O’Neill said that had she shot her­self acci­den­tally in the navel with her then hus­band John Lederer’s .38 cal­iber revolver in the bed­room while she was try­ing to deter­mine if it was loaded.

There! Now aren’t you ashamed and sorry and per­pet­u­ally suf­fer­ing because you are not a mem­ber of the beau­ti­ful peo­ple Hol­ly­wood cabal?

Hollywood sign in Hollywood hills

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Tags: wheeeeeee

And also enters the con­test for the dri­est, most droll remark of the decade.

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Tags: beer summit

nolanimrod on November 25th, 2014

A tell is some behav­ioral quirk or ner­vous tic that lets peo­ple know when you’re lying. Tells are most fre­quently employed in poker. A player might, for exam­ple, stack and re-​​stack his poker chips with great care when he has a great hand. Or he might do the same thing when he has a ter­ri­ble hand. But if he only does one or the other and you find out about it that gives you a big edge when you’re play­ing poker with him. If you know that George only gets fas­tid­i­ous about his chip-​​stacking when he has a noth­ing hand and dur­ing a game George spends five min­utes stack­ing his chips before going all-​​in you know he’s bluffing.

Obama has a tell. It’s folks. When­ever you hear folks from the Fear­less Leader’s lips you know he’s say­ing some­thing he knows to be untrue, say­ing some­thing he knows doesn’t make any sense, or both.

In this clip from the Pow­er­line Blog he’s elu­ci­dat­ing for our poor dim brains why the pres­i­dent not enforc­ing immi­gra­tion law is entirely dif­fer­ent from the pres­i­dent not enforc­ing tax law and he really lays on the folks. We are treated to a triple-​​helping: at 00:31, 00:33, and 00:36. In addi­tion he launches his tell bar­rage with the old­est tell of them all: The truth of the mat­ter is...

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Tags: Tells

nolanimrod on October 30th, 2014

In next Tuesday’s elec­tion most of us will be vot­ing for our U.S. Con­gres­sional Rep­re­sen­ta­tive and some of us for Senators.

Most of these races will fea­ture an incum­bent and a chal­lenger. There is a ques­tion we must ask the incum­bent in each race and it wouldn’t hurt to ask the chal­lengers, to boot. I know there is not much time left before the elec­tion but I didn’t think of this until around ten min­utes ago.

Here’s why it’s important.

When Obama took office he blath­ered con­tin­u­ously about how trans­par­ent his rule would be and promised to post the text of impor­tant bills on the Inter­net for a cer­tain period before vot­ing on it so the peo­ple could see what their elected rep­re­sen­ta­tives were get­ting them into. Then, when the most impor­tant piece of leg­is­la­tion was being con­sid­ered, leg­is­la­tion that would directly affect every per­son in Amer­ica, they not only didn’t post the text on the Web but the peo­ple vot­ing on it didn’t have time to read it, with the Speaker of the House blandly telling us that we had to pass the bill so we could find out what was in it.

Not only did we not know what was in the bill before pas­sage; we still don’t really know what is in it today.

One thing we do know, though, is that a promise the pres­i­dent made to us over and over and over again was that if we liked our health care poli­cies and we liked our doc­tors we could keep them. Period.

We found out that was a delib­er­ate lie. There are some big secrets wrapped up in the so-​​called Afford­able Care Act (aka Obama Care). Obama knew they were there. Kath­leen Sebe­lius, the Sec­re­tary of Health and Human Ser­vices, knew they were there. They knew a lot of us wouldn’t be able to keep our doc­tor. They knew a lot of us wouldn’t be able to keep our health care cov­er­age. They didn’t want us to know that. So Obama and Sebe­lius lied. They lied early. They lied often. Sebe­lius even enforced a Mafia-​​like omertà on the insur­ance com­pa­nies by threat­en­ing them with legal pros­e­cu­tion if they told us what was really com­ing our way.

Obama and Sebe­lius played us for suck­ers in the most shame­ful way. But Obama has run his last elec­tion and Sebe­lius is gone from gov­ern­ment. And even though it might be sat­is­fy­ing, con­sid­er­ing her fond­ness for oper­at­ing like a Mafia Don, it’s prob­a­bly not a good idea to leave a horse’s head in her bed. For one thing: it wouldn’t be fair to the horse. The horse didn’t lie to us. She and her boss did.

The worst thing about Obama’s lies was that even after the bill was passed he didn’t tell us we’d prob­a­bly lose our doc­tors and/​or our cov­er­age. We had to get con­cel­la­tion notices from the insur­ance com­pa­nies to find that one out. All the things Obama and Sebe­lius knew were things we had to find out one bit at a time. First we’d find out we were can­celled. Then we’d find out our pre­vi­ous cov­er­age was unac­cept­able under Obama Care. Or we’d find out that cov­er­age like we used to have cost more. Then we might find out that even though it cost more it didn’t cover our doc­tor. Or our hos­pi­tal. Or a spe­cial­ist hos­pi­tal we might have to go to.

But we know all of that. And there is noth­ing we can do about it. But, as Mr. Monk used to say, Here’s the Thing: while Obama was post­pon­ing a require­ment of Obama Care or delay­ing a reg­u­la­tion our Sen­a­tors and Rep­re­sen­ta­tives had to know at least some­thing of what was loom­ing in our future. And while they might be of the President’s party, and while they are def­i­nitely part of the gov­ern­ment, they don’t rep­re­sent the exec­u­tive branch. They rep­re­sent us.

So — did YOUR Rep­re­sen­ta­tive and Sen­a­tors give you a heads-​​up about this? Did you get a let­ter telling you that you were likely to lose your cov­er­age before you got your carefully-​​worded love note from the insur­ance com­pany? Did they tell you that where, and to whom, you went for your med­ical needs was up in the air and might change? They have a Frank­ing priv­i­lege and can send mail postage-​​free. Did you get a letter?

Before you vote this Tues­day it might be a good idea to call them up and ask them a ques­tion from the Water­gate Era: WHAT did they know and WHEN did they know it?

Here’s another:  Why didn’t they tell us?


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Tags: Hornswoggled!