nolanimrod on March 5th, 2015

Many cul­tures give new names to peo­ple when they achieve some dif­fi­cult goal, over­come a great obsta­cle, defeat a pow­er­ful enemy.

In keep­ing with this long and sto­ried tra­di­tion, and in recog­ni­tion of his com­pletely hornswog­gling his long­time foe — the Amer­i­can Peo­ple — the cer­e­mo­nial name LUCY is hereby granted, now and in per­pe­tu­ity, to Barack Hus­sein Obama II, and the coun­try he stands astride, like the puis­sant con­queror he is, shall here­after, or at least the next two years, be called Char­lie Brown.

Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown

And I out­foxed you on the Exec­u­tive Amnesty, too!

 

The new names rec­og­nize that Lucy gonna do what he’s gotta do. If you were look­ing for that $2500 reduc­tion in your health insur­ance or hop­ing for a $70000 job on the pipeline or you dis­cov­ered the rea­son your kid can’t get a sum­mer job is because she isn’t flu­ent in Span­ish, well you had bet­ter suck it up, buster, because Lucy has the foot­ball and we have two more years of run­ning at it like we have a chance of kick­ing it.

 

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Tags: amnesty, Barack Obama, Charlie and Lucy, illegal immigration, snookered

nolanimrod on March 4th, 2015

South Korean uses his knife on the U.S. ambas­sador to S. Korea. And where do they take Mr. Ambas­sador for treatment?

Why, to Sev­er­ance Hos­pi­tal, of course.

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Tags: North Korea, puns, South Korea

In a story that not too long ago would have been char­ac­ter­ized as unthink­able one notices some­thing British offi­cials and the Daily Tele­graph  missed: the men men­tioned as Vio­lent Sex­ual Abusers seem to have One Thing in Common.

What do you think that One Thing was? I could draw you a pic­ture but the Pope says if my doing so gets my head hacked off it serves me right. I could talk about it but my pres­i­dent fig­ures such blas­phemy deserves a mor­tal response.

I know! Let’s blame The NAZIs!

But even the NAZIs never got this warped (empha­sis mine):

It included hor­rific sex­ual vio­lence, tor­ture, crude abor­tions and even a girl being branded with the ini­tial of the man who raped her.

But some­body did. If I can’t say who and we mustn’t draw a pic­ture per­haps we can play Infi­del Intu­ition, the new par­lor game that is all the rage in areas where Sharia holds sway.

OK — here goes. I think it was Left–Handed People. I’ll bet it was them.​ ​Let’s get those LHP bas­tards! Lets round them up, kill a bunch, and make the rest pay a tax.

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Tags: Great Britain, Islam, LHP, Muslims, Oxford, Rotherham, Voldemort

nolanimrod on February 23rd, 2015

A friend sent me an email pur­port­ing to show some recently declas­si­fied aer­ial pho­tos from 9–11.

I looked at it a while and then for some rea­son started think­ing about Barack Obama’s relent­less IT’S NOT ISLAM cam­paign and Dr. Seuss’ Sam I Am. That got me started search­ing the key­board for rhyming cou­plets and sent the rewards of my search to my friend. I kind of liked the result.  OK, it’s not Shel­ley or Wordsworth or even decent Seuss but I thought it was kinda cute.

Now that the Inter­net is lit­tered with the astral bod­ies of del­i­cate souls who can­not, even though he sat in a church for 20 years while the preacher God-​​Damned Amer­ica, bear to be informed that some­body some­where sus­pects that Barack Obama just may not be America’s biggest fan, it occurs to me that we can save those soggy-​​spirited twits all sorts of dia­bol­i­cal stress dis­or­ders if we resort to poetry. Who can object to poetry? So here ’tis -

On Being Sent Pictures of 9-11
Please show us not pictures of Muslims and murder.
 Who caused burning people to jump from a girder.
Whose Allahu Akbar means We are assassins
 and have destroyed lives from Peru to Parnassus.
For our leaders all fear we are such bitter clingers
 Our response will be deadly like scorpions' stingers.
We must take off our shoes every time we go flying
 But who blames that on Muslims must surely be lying.
For the very word Islam means Peace we are told
 as be-headings, kidnappings, and burnings unfold
The Islamic State must be a mnemonic
 for our leader insists they're not one bit Islamic.
As we sing of Obama's great patriot's loyalty
 while he clears the way for the planet's new royalty.

Well, that’s it. Feel free to have a go.

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Tags: 9-11, Barack Obama, Dr. Seuss, Islam, Muslims